Working on a better me!

Have you ever sat down and thought "how did I get to this point in my life? How did I end up this fat?" Me, I do this every day! I have been a obsessive dieter for the last 9 years! Well, let's be honest...It's probably been alot longer! No matter what I do, it never seems to be enough. For the past year, I had been living in South Dakota with my 3 beautiful children. I was not happy in my marriage and decided that I needed out. My husband was living in New Mexico for a job he had to take after losing his job in Iowa. In Iowa we had a beautiful house on an acreage in a small town. I loved it. My kids went to a great school in a great community. I tried to live in New Mexico but I was miserable. I started by moving back to our house in Iowa...but it was too hard and too lonely there. I then decided to move back to the area where I was raised. My mom lives in South Dakota, so I decided to go there. Things were okay for the most part. I went out and partied alot, leaving my kids with my mom and staying out at all hours of the night. I was still in love with my husband, but we fought so much. We went through a really tough time. He was seeing someone else and I was dating....but no one ever compared to him. A few months ago, I decided that I needed to try to make my marriage work. I love him and there isn't anything he wouldn't do for me. I guess I came to a realization that I needed to change myself in so many ways. I really treated him bad and all along he took me for who I was. So....when he found a job in Kansas City, I made a decision! I was moving there with him and we were going to make our marriage work!! Not only for us, but for our 3 kids. They need both of us!
Lucky for me, he has a really good insurance plan that is focused on wellness! When I found out they will reimburse him for my fees to Weight Watchers I was estatic! I had heard so many good things about weight watchers and I really wanted to try it. I needed to CHANGE the way I was doing things rather than "dieting" There was a point in my life that I was almost 240 lbs. After I had my daughter Mackenzie, I had lost alot of weight and got back down to 185. But low and behold....when I started to lose weight...I was pregnant again!! After my daughter Autumn was born I didn't have much motivation to lose weight. I was a full time nursing student and worked full time. It was alot of stress and I found myself eating....eating....and eating!

So here I am....9 years later....202 lbs and miserable in my own body! When I joined weight watchers a month ago, I weighed 210 lbs. I have changed the way I eat and exercise on the Wii every day! I would love to be able to go out and walk, but well...in the midwest...it's kinda cold right now :) My main struggle with the weight is eating out. I do GREAT during the week. Cooking at home and eating healthy for the family. But come the weekend, we end up eating out and I always end up using up all of my points in one meal! Especially since my husband is gone through the week most of the time for work. Take yesterday for instance. We decided that since he was going to be on a flight to Alabama yesterday, we would go have a dinner with just the two of us (we don't EVER get to do that) We ended up going to Denny's. I ordered an omellette....I figured, it has eggs..not too bad...and veggies....PFFFT! BADDDD IDEA!! It was 18 pts for that dang thing!!! So much for eating later on!! I love food...food is my comfort...food is my friend...When I mess up on my weekends, I have a hard time getting back on track! All I want to do is just eat some more! Even though I know I have to change this way of thinking, It's sooo hard! I'm hoping by doing this blog it will help me to have an outlet and maybe have a little more support in my journey! I know there are others out there that feel exactly the same way!!